Bukas na!

Tomorrow, I'll be a medical intern (again)..

Well ever since this month I was an intern.. That is, at a different hospital (but in a weird environment.. That's why I filed for leave).. For more than 3 weeks, I rested here at home.. Waiting for a chance to start anew.. Finally, it did came..

Pediatrics - I thought I wanted to be a pediatrician.. That's why I took the role of being the leader during our clerkship rotation.. I knew the responsibilities, carried all the burden, took action.. Thankfully, my groupmates saw that I was responsible, good, cautious.. (They told me that during our retreat last November in Tagaytay).. After going through it for 2 months, I had 2nd thoughts.. Hmm.. Maybe, somewhere else.. Actually, I don't know..

Oh well, so help me God..

Finally..

Finally, our prayers were answered.. Finally, our letters came.. Finally, we can choose again our hospital for post-graduate internship.. Finally, we're released from JRRMMC..

Thankfully, we got our letters last friday.. I went to their office in Quezon City in a haste, hoping to be there before 1 pm.. My heart was beating so loudly when the letter was handed to me..

Unfortunately, they (the committee on internship) reprimanded me - I resume my internship starting July 1, 2006 (until June 30, 2007). looking ahead, I'll just have 1 month for review.. how on earth am i gonna do that?.. Fortunately, we can disobey that reprimand, we can start earlier than it.. Of course, if our new hospital will allow it.. Hoping for an open slot, I made my risk of writing down the name "Manila Doctors Hospital" in my application form.. Keeping my fingers crossed, battling hunger, I went there..

Thankfully, they accepted me and agreed that I start on thursday, June 1 (1 month earlier than what was told to me).. I was given additional papers for processing and I was able to abide them all this morning.. I was also informed of my 1st rotation - Pediatrics.. Well, I thought I was rotating through the Minors first but was immediately changed.. Sayang!.. Hehehe!..

Since I was already there (& know that when I go back there, it's gonna be on June 1), I agreed to be oriented.. I went to the Pedia office, met some of the residents & 1 of my co-interns (who happens to be my 3rd yr groupmate, Owie) & learned their activities, rules, dress codes.. I asked my post on June 1 but Dra. DeLa Rosa wasn't certain yet.. According to her, the schedule will change.. Ok.. Maybe I'll call 'em on wednesday or better yet, ask Owie instead..

I can't hardly wait to start on thursday.. I hope I won't start immediately being on 24 hr duty post.. hehe!

Regrets

It's been a long time since I haven't posted here..

Last March, I told my parents I planned to undo something before it was too late. I planned to change hospitals for my post-graduate internship from Jose R Reyes Memorial Medical Center to Santo Tomas University Hospital (or somewhere else). But I was pressured to stay, even called "lazy" because of that planned move. Defeated, I decided to let it pass, give the hospital a chance.

May 2 came and the moment I stepped in, I disliked it, had the feeling I wasn't going to last long. And I didn't. I filed for petition for withdrawal the following day but was disapproved. I tried 3x and they were all disapproved. My parents & I even talked with the medical director. I hoped I will be given my release paper but wasn't.

Coincidentally, there was an exodus of interns from that hospital. I wasn't the only one leaving. Eventually, the hospital submitted our names to the Association of Philippine Medical Schools (APMC) almost 2 weeks ago. The agency told us to write letters stating our reasons for leaving, dislikes, complaints about the hospital. There was going to be a committee meeting on the 22nd to discuss our issues.

May 22 arrived and I was hoping to get a response from 'em. They said they will give us letters individually. Each letter contains condition/s decided upon by the committee members themselves (which is beyond the control of the employees of APMC). The letters will be released either the following day or within 2 days. I waited patiently & anxiously. When I called again, we were told to wait 2 more days or until the next week coz the letters weren't done yet & the director was sick. It just kept my anxiety and agony longer.

I'm tired waiting. Why do they always keep us waiting when it's our future career that they are holding back from us? Why can't they let us decided for ourselves? Don't they know or realize that we have our own schedules to keep track into?

I wasted almost 1 month for nothing. I came to realize that I can't take the boards by August 2007 because of time constraints for the review. Provided that I pass the local licensure exams on my first take come February 2008, take the Residency Program (whatever my specialization will be) by December, I'm already 29 then! Quite old for a typical 1st year resident. This doesn't matter much if I was a male. Heck! I'm a female!

I don't know what I'll do if the judgement upon me is to wait further. Everyone knows that I am excited and anxious to get back into the hospital. Everyone knows that I am dedicated to my profession. Everyone knows I dream to be a good, competent, compassionate doctor. But why is it that some have to decide for me, control me?

Maybe I should have stood up for my decision last March. I should have convinced them that service could be given elsewhere, not just at JR. It's my career, my dream. Not theirs nor any one else's. I don't have the heart to be at JR.

I don't know what's worse - staying at JR even if I'm not enjoying what I'm doing there, or wasting time.